Sweet Sixteen.

There are LOTS of things in this world that irk my nerves.
People asking stupid questions that don't matter is definitely very high on that list.

So, I frequently am cornered with one of these unneccessary questions. Which one you may ask? Well I will tell you, since that is the point of this whole blogging business anyway.

"HOW OLD ARE YOU?"
(And the "are" is italicized due to the drawn out oomph people give it.)

Scenario A:
When working at Silver, Etc., my job prior to Allstate, I was often asked to help choose gifts for different lady loved ones of customers. This did not bother me at all. I loved it. That was actually the high point of my job there. Well, that and the yummy shrimp fried rice lunches from down the street, but that's beside the point. I had many customers that would ask for my help to pick something out for their daughter, neice, girlfriend, etc. I had a lady ask me one time if I went to school. I replied with a yes, and further explained that I was a sophomore. I didn't think about including the part about it being a sophomore in college, but it was about 10 or so in the morning, and I didn't think this lady was that ignorant. Wow she proved me wrong. She got closer and whispered to me that it was wrong to skip school and that the owner of the company could get into trouble if anyone were to find out. It took me a second, but I realized what she meant, quickly pointed out that I was 19 and she stared in awe. She literally stepped back and said, "No...really?" like I was lying or something. Well when I went on to tell her that I was being truthful, she "swears I look like I'm about 14." Thank you laziness for not putting on any eye makeup.

Scenario B:
This time I was dressed up for work. Slacks, a black blouse, boots, and a leopard pashmina. I have to say I look pretty cute, minus eye makeup. I went into Target to visit my favorite barrista at Starbucks. She always makes the BEST tall iced white chocolate mocha, non fat, no whip. I mean she should recieve a medal. Again, beside the point. I stood at the counter, ordered my favorite drink, all the while pleased to see that she is working. I swipe my card for $3.73, high I know, but it is so so worth it. I smile, feeling pleased with spoiling myself a little. Just when I am near sweet coffee bliss, she asks how old I am. I tell her that I am 20. She looks embarrassed because apparently she thought I was 15, actually 16 because she saw my car keys. Come to find out she is newly 18. I didn't realize you could get carded for coffee.

I would tell more stories but I don't want to bore you. Needless to say I look a lot younger than I thought. That will continue to teach me a valuable lesson in always putting on my makeup.

Good to know.

MONICA'S RING.

Oh d-d-d-dear!!

(in the words of Winnie the Pooh bear and my sister who quotes him frequently)

I nearly had an "myo-cardial infarction" this morning...that's a fancy Friends quote for heart attack. You see, Joey goes into a hospital room to see if this guy is legit, because Phoebe met him on the elevator and just wants to make sure he is a "stand up guy". Meanwhile Chandler is trying to knock Monica up and Rachel and Ross are trying to "light a fire up there and smoke [Emma] out."

I know all Friends episodes all too well. Thank you Miss Heather Shugarman. My love has turned into a mild obsession, one which most everyone closest to me knows about. I LOVE Friends, and I cannot stress that enough.

Now, with that said, here's a little background:

--Chandler was shopping for Monica's ring in an antique pawn shop. When he found a "1920's 1.5 carat round diamond center stone with .5 carat sapphire trillions on either side" he nearly started crying. He even had the British salesman "propose" to him with it. When he almost told the jewelry shop employee "YES!!" he realized he

had to have that ring.

Well there was a big stink about how Phoebe was trying on a musket and tiara, got distracted, so the ring was sold to another man. So, Chandler bought a "cheap gumball machine looking ring", contemplated giving it to Monica, but instead tracked the man down to Le Spas where he would be proposing, and had Phoebe pretend like she was his dying fiance...ALL just to get this ring back.

THAT IS HOW AMAZING THIS RING IS!!

Ok, so you wanna know the heart-attack worthy news??

I FOUND IT!!!!!!!!

The ex, errr not so much ex right now as an unoffical-official boyfriend/fiance/love o' mine...anyway, him and I talked for the past few days about one day possibly getting to that point where we were. The part about planning to walk down the aisle and what not. Well, he said that since he sold my ring back we would have to find another ring, but it would be a while because we would have to save up for it and the wedding stuff (since now we know how expensive it gets).

I found this GORGEOUS ring this morning, by accident, online and I couldn't be more thrilled. I was looking for some man-made diamond earrings, clicked on celebrity inspired jewelry and voila!

Soooo instead of a regular "Good Morning :)" text, he definitely got "I'm sorry, I knew I said I wouldn't talk about ring stuff, but I FOUND MONICAS RING!!" [and of course the picture was attatched].

Thank goodness he is so patient with me. Lord knows if this does work out, because we are taking it day by day, that he will have his poor hands full.

This is proof that everything happens in due time, and for a reason. Not just the ring, but the feeling it brought with it. Don't get me wrong, I want this ring, but I love the fact that I feel this way again...it just took a minor shared obsession to get this way.

Bah-Humbug.

As I sit here, enjoying my own individual sized cranberry sweet-bread loaf, I can't help but not want to be be sitting here.

I love the yummy goodness of a homeade bread, and a well-deserved thank you goes out to my boss' wife and all, but just because there is a delicious baked good wrapped in cellophane on my desk does not make me want to be here any more than usual. Even if it is supposed to encourage us to "work ten times harder for the end of the year numbers." Umm no, so go roast your chestnuts on that.

It's Christmas time. Actually, it's one week and one day away from being Christmas day. And while I am still slightly depressed that I am unofficially single this holiday season, my whole "Bah-humbug" complex is starting to wear off.

Someone very dear to me made me aware yesterday that above all else, following your heart should be a rule to live by. And while it is good to make your self happy, that's only step one. The steps that must follow are taking what you've learned about not letting other people's opinions influence you so much, and enhance that by following your heart.

When you can do what you want to do, for yourself, making yourself happy and simultaneously making your heart happy, you have reached the peak of emotional maturity in the field of happiness. There are many other areas that I have yet to master, but I do believe happiness is a key one.

This holiday season I am doing things that are bringing a smile to my face. I am not thinking about anything sad.

I am letting the past be the past and the future be exactly what it is...unwritten.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas.

My co-worker is depressed. And I know, everyone has their own special remedies to make themselves feel better, but her's is tap dancing on my last nerve.

She is about 40, newly single, and (you will see why this matters in a minute) a very very strong willed black woman. Her way of coping with the pain her asshole of an ex caused her is replaying her favorite love song, "My Heart" by Anthony Hamilton.

Now, I am not exaggerating, I know she played that song at least 16 times yesterday. Those were just the times I heard the beginning start, so I counted it. I officially know that song. People my age should not know this song. To be fair, it is a sweet song. And now that I know it, I am pretty sure if I am ever depressed about my love life, or anyone elses for that matter, this song will appear in my head and begin playing.

It's amazing how some people's remedies start out as other people's annoyances, and then become shared memories.

I am officially beginning to feel like it's Christmas. I'm not sure if it's The Tempations' Christmas music, thank you to that same co-worker, or the nasty egg nog I tried for the first time yesterday. It could be the fact that when I go make my daily browse of Target I have to park in the back of the parking lot due to all of the spaces taken by holiday shoppers.

I'm not sure if it's the weather getting colder, and yes the fact that it is getting colder in southeast Texas when it's supposed to is a Christmas miracle, or what it is...but it is starting to feel like the holiday season to me.

I have LOTS to be thankful for. Great friends, two in particular I love dearly, an amazing family, a job that still allows me to work 40 hour weeks, my car is alive and well, my love life is picking up in the best of ways...Life is good and it's about DAMN time.

Merry Christmas! Only 9 more days.

New Recipe Wednesday.

So, it's that time again. And this week I didn't forget!

Two days ago I was trying to think of a warm, yummy dinner that wasn't too difficult that I could sip on while wrapping gifts and watching Christmas movies. I didn't have the hours to make a good gumbo, I wasn't really in a stew kinda mood, and chili just would not have hit the spot.

I stumbled across this recipe, and it was a hit! It is delicious, super super easy to make, and did I mention it was delicious? Just make this quick and easy bisque, boil some rice, possibly have some good bread handy, and you've got yourself a great cold-day meal!



Creole Lobster and Shrimp Bisque

Ingredients
2 steamed fresh lobster tails**
4 tablespoons butter
1 small white onion, finely chopped
2 stalks celery, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
3 cups chicken broth
1/2 pound steamed medium size fresh shrimp, peeled, deveined, and chopped
2 cups half-and-half
2 teaspoons Creole seasoning

Directions

Remove lobster meat from shell; coarsely chop and set aside.
In a large saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add onion, celery, and garlic; cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in flour, and cook for 2 minutes. Stir in chicken broth; cook for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until thickened.

Add lobster meat and shrimp. Stir in half-and-half and Creole seasoning; cook for 10 minutes, or until heated through, stirring occasionally. Serve immediately.

**I replaced lobster tails with a bag of frozen scallops. They are easier, cheaper, and it was phenomenal.

(courtesy of Food Network and Paula Deen)

12/12.

So, over the last few days I have tried to decide how to exactly put what I went through this weekend into words. It is VERY uncharacteristic of me to not know what to say, or at least make up something to say just to suffice the silence. But this weekend was different. I was, for once in my life, speechless.

This weekend was the weekend.
If you pay attention, then you know what that means.
If not, then let me clue you in..

This weekend, had I not screwed things up, I would have stopped being a Miss, and became a Mrs.

Reality checks are hard enough when you have to experience them, but this particular spawn of evil just made me cry uncontrollably. No words, not even sounds. Just tears and sobbing. Realizing, at 5:51 in my Jeep, driving home from work, that in nine minutes I would not be meeting with my girls at the church.

I would not be stressing out about whether or not it would look right, or if someone would be late. I would not be going over and over and over again in my head "right foot, left foot, right foot..." so that I would not trip in my gorgeous dress. I would not even get the opportunity to put my dress on. I would not be a Mrs. I would not get to go to the fabulous party after with all of my friends taking pictures and watching us have our first dance as "the bride and groom".

No honeymoon suite, no honeymoon.

To everyone else, this was just another Saturday before Christmas. And while they were wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, I was crushed. This is why it doesn't feel like the holidays to me. And while this is all my fault, and I get that, I just wish I hadn't called it off. Assuming that the statement "Everything happens for a reason." is true, than this was for the best. I hope that it's true, for my sanity's sake.

This is a difficult topic for me to discuss. Not the above topic, as hard as it is to talk about, I have come to terms with it. The following topic is even harder.

I never in my life have had regrets. Some say I act too hastily, but it's only because once I know what I want, I go after it. And I do so whole-heartedly. There were people that did not think the wedding should happen 7 months after the engagement, but to those people I would now like to say, I believe that was too long. When given the chance, I get scared. I let stupid, ignorant people and their stupid, ignorant opinions get the better of me. I let what they think matter more to me that what I think. But not anymore.

If there is one thing I have learned from this mess is that I need to make myself happy, and not care what other people think about it. It is hard though, especially when the people that are frowning upon what you are doing think they are doing what's best for you, and they think they conceal it well. But they don't. The people closest to me, with the exception of my dad, are terrible liars. I mean absolutely atrocious at lying. Err, I'm sorry, concealing their emotions to "protect me".

I wish that I had never called it off. I wish that I could go back in time, realize what I have realized now, and just slapped myself...or something. I wish I could undo what I have done, and I wish I hadn't spent my whole life trying to make other people happy.

But I can't now. There are no time machines in life, but luckily there are second chances if you find someone gracious enough.

Only time will tell.

Healthier Me.

Starting today, I have decided to go back on my healthy kick. Not only because it's good for me, but also because it makes my life just a little cheaper.

Breakfast: Yogurt

Lunch: Healthy Choice or Smart Ones meal and fruit

Snack: Yogurt or Skinny Cow Ice Cream

Dinner: Smaller portions of regular food

PLUS: Acai Vitamins and only one soda/tea per day

When I document things, it makes me really feel like I have to stick to it. Hence, the short post.

10 Things.

10 Things I bet you didn't know:

1. I love to make lists, but I'm very scatterbrained.

2. My favorite spot in the whole world [that I've visited] is the Santa Monica Pier.

3. My favorite spot in the whole world [that I've yet to visit] is the Vatican.

4. I secretly want to try out for American Idol, but only to be on the bloopers.

5. I want to get married on New Years.

6. My favorite drink is a good, spicy Bloody Mary.

7. I stole mascara once when I was younger.

8. I am weirdly addicted to checking the time on my phone.

9. I am deathly paranoid of being a victim of burglary/assault.
(I check every room if I am home alone. I pretend to talk on my cell phone when I walk by myself in parking lots. The first thing I am doing on my 21st birthday is getting a concealed handgun license. Yeah...told you.)

10. When I was younger I wanted to be a massage therapist, and I have never quite given up on that dream.

Goals and Praises.

I have hit my goal that I set out to accomplish for the blogging world.

1. 50+ posts,

2. 100+ views, and

3. 5+ followers [that created an account]

I am so proud :)

In other news, there is nothing like a kind word from a friend, or friends, to brighten your day.

Someone I didn't even think knew I had a blog, has been following it via Facebook. [Gosh I love Facebook, hence the addiciton.] She shared a few words about how I was a great writer, and that she hopes everything works out for me. That in itself proves there are still nice, sweet people in this world. She has been a friend since high school, older, and always kinda been there for me even though we aren't as close as we'd like to be.

I envy her already being done with school, as well as her ability to maintain her togetherness even if sometimes it's actually the exact opposite. She's a great friend. :)

This post just picked up my mood about 100,000%.

There is nothing like a couple kind words that can bring a smile to your face. After all, writing is the best medicine...or something like that.

Chandler & Monica.

Yesterday marked my 50th post...
and I didn't even realize it until this morning.
Another thing I realized was that I didn't post a recipe yesterday.

I really need another planner. I am so so ADD that as soon as I think of something I have to do or buy or attend, if I don't write it down it never happens. SOMEONE make a suggestion please!!

I am so excited. I feel like I am really breaking through into the writing world this way, even if only a couple of people follow it.

I had an interesting weekend. A loving weekend. A reminescent weekend. One that I didn't quite know how to approach until the night I had last night.

[[STORYTIME]]

This past Saturday I went out with some friends for a 21st birthday party at a local club. And because I live in a smaller town, the ex was there with a group of his friends as well. Since we have maintained our friendship over the last couple months, I walked over to say hi. We talked, and then I went back to my birthday friends. And all night I went back and forth from my 20-something friends, to the group of my married friends + the ex, and it made me think. I had crazy kinds of fun with the younger friends, but I didn't really fit in. Even though I was the youngest of the whole group, I still felt like the mom.

I have spent my whole life being older than everyone in my family, and acting older than the majority of my friends. (I was born in August, so when I started school I was younger than all of my friends. In a graduating class of 555, I was one of about 20 who were still 17.) But past that, past the age, the maturity, the life experience, past everything...I have always felt older than I am. The fact that my last birthday didn't have a set of candles that started with something other than a "one" was baffling enough, but to think that I am only 20. It sounds so young, but I feel so old.

I thought I was ready for a marraige, but with a best friend who thought I believed her fake support from the get-go, and another best friend that was drifting away, all I had was him. That scared me to death. I pulled away from my family, because I knew that half of them really didn't support my decision either, and the other half lived far enough away that I made an excuse not to visit as often as I should. I let myself drowned alone, just becoming overwhelmed by all the bullshit.

But this weekend was so much fun. There was no bullshit, no drama. It was just how it was supposed to be. How we were when we got back together. Before the proposal, before the planning, before the dresses and appointments and in-laws and cakes and shows and deposits.

Before it all, we had each other. The "stuff", for lack of a better word, pushed us apart.

I let my friends influence my opinion of my life. I let a wall build in between the one guy I know deep down that I am meant to be with. I let the money and the stress come between us, all the while he was willing to do whatever I needed him to do to make me happy.

I let it all happen.

That's why I'm not getting married this weekend. That's why I'm not engaged. That's why my bridesmaids aren't bridesmaids anymore, they are just friends again. That's why I'm not a bride...just a girl.

This weekend made me see that I want to be that bride again, if we get there. It's extremely hard because of my personality and general quickness to rush into things, but we are taking it one day at a time. We are just friends for now, maybe more later. But for now, JUST FRIENDS.

We had a couple long talks this past weekend over a couple different meals, and we have come to the realization that I rush things and I am impatient. Two characteristics that aren't so bad alone, and aren't too terrible when put together. But when a bride-to-be has these characteristics, the combination can be life-threatening. We joked that if we ever got engaged again, that I would have to be the one to propose.

I've always thought we were like Ross and Rachel, with the whole back and forth.

But who knows...maybe we could be like Chandler and Monica.