<3.

Maybe it's supposed to hurt.
Maybe it's supposed to be terribly painful...
That way we wouldn't do it again.
But we do.
We can't help it.
Love should be a form of self mutilation.

New Year's Eve.

It has been four weekdays since my last post. That is the longest I have gone [except for when I had the flu] that I have not written anything.

Yesterday, I had it suggested to me that I should just make something up, because it would be interesting and it didn't matter anyway. I should just draw inspiration from surroundings and make-believe situations. So what if they aren't real?

Well I am sorry, and I think I just found a trigger for my next topic.
I will get to my New Year's resolutions shortly, but I would like to say something first.

I am a romantic.

I like to think I will be sought after one day. I want to dream that even though he and I aren't close, that he thinks about me. He may not even know it's me...just that he wants someone with my qualities, and when he finds me he will know he's found love.

Like most women, even though I don't show it, I think my prince is out there. He hasn't swept me off my feet just yet, but he will. And when he does, I will be the happiest girl in the world and we will live happily ever after.

Quite a change from my Love Cynic post, but hey a girl's views can change right?

I have high expectations for whomever is brave enough to attempt falling for me. I admit I am a bit of a handful. "But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure don't deserve me at my best." --One of the quotes I live by.

Back to the head over heels, imaginary love thing. A few posts back I was left a comment by an anonymous person. And when going over comments I always imagine who the anonymous ones are. If it's about love, I imagine they are somewhere, earnestly reading my blogs, loving my writing style, and anticipating meeting me in real life.

I know that he doesn't dream about me. He is probably someone I already know that was just too lazy to set up a Google account. But the fact that I create this far-fetched idea almost makes me think I am crazy.

I just want that kind of love. The love that drives you mad and crazy. The love that makes your heart beat faster when you think about each other. Rachel said, "I believe that when I stop looking for true love it will find me. That's why I have stopped looking for Russel Crowe."--This is why I love Friends.

It is very true. Stop looking for something and you will find it. Unexpected surprises are the best apparently, I just can never be surprised because I am too busy trying to figure everything out.

Come to find out, my anonymous commenter was a guy, which only spurs on my fantasy. If you are reading this, I'm really not crazy. I am just using you as an example of how wide-spread my imagination wanders.

This is really sad. I know it is.

I have way way way too high of expectations of my love life. I rarely show them to anyone. I would rather not make them known, that way I am not let down. But today is special. Today it's okay to talk abou things you want that are unseen. Today is the last day of the past, and tonight will start a fresh new year. Today is my favorite day. I love it more than my birthday, or Christmas, or any other spectacular holiday.

Today is the start of fresh things.

[[Now, on the topic of that resolution:]]

I don't have the perfect body.
I don't have the perfect smile.
I don't have the perfect personality.
I don't have the perfect outlook on life.
Sometimes I am mean, or spiteful, and more often than not I am wrong.

So, with that being said, my New Year's resolution is this:

In the mist of all these things, it is my many imperfections that make me who I am today.
I have decided to embrace who and what I am for exactly what that is. This year I want to be me. Crazy, stubborn, impatient, loving, scattered me.

That is my New Year's resolution.