Monday, February 8, 2010


So it's been a week. An incredibly LONG, trying past seven days.

I feel the same about this week, and it's only Monday.

I feel bad that I haven't posted anything lately, but to tell the truth, I have written some things. Though after reading them I realized they were me just venting and being spiteful, so those things will not make it to the public eye. They will stay in my special folder on my desktop where I keep all of my written tantrums.

Trust me, you don't want to go in that folder.

I am torn right now. I am torn between school, what's right and what's easier/cheaper/better for me in the long run. My heart is torn between doing what I know I'm supposed to do by taking things slow and just running full force like I always do. And my body is torn between working out, and my work opportunities, and just everything and everywhere I need to be at once.

I'm just torn.

And I don't like to be torn. But if I'm going to stay true to myself, then I know then I know what I have to do.

I have to stick with school the way I should.

I have to follow my heart, even if that means jumping in with both feet. If I didn't make hasty, yet whole hearted decisions, then I wouldn't be me.

And I have to pace my stress level. There is no way to eliminate my stress completely, it's a neccessary evil. As much as I hate it, it motivates me. It keeps me moving and going like I need to, even if I don't really want to, but I have noticed that I can't bombard my subconscious by worrying constantly if I am getting every little thing crossed off my checklist. I have to slow down or that damn checklist will be the death of me.

I think the goal for this week should be breathing.

Just remembering to breathe and realizing it's okay if it's not all done right now.
After all, even Rome wasn't built in a day.