Wednesday, October 7, 2009

In the Beginning.

I have decided, after much consideration and self-judgement, to start a blog. I enjoy writing and always have. And since the chances of me becoming a successful published writer are slimmer than none, I assume a blog is the next best thing.

People have always said that I am never at a loss for words, but how often do my words actually mean something? I mean sure, words in general can either be pointless or heavily meaningful, but that doesn't mean just because I am always talking that my words are of the highest importance.

I feel like this is going to be an amazing journey for me. Finally able to voice all of the thoughts surrounding my head and putting them out there and giving complete strangers the option to read them. Part of me hopes that no one will ever follow, that way I can build humility, but the boastful part of me (and perhaps the larger part) wants people to read, follow, and become enthralled with my life. Because, as interesting as I may make it out to be, it is not.

I live in a small town, and for the sake of safety, I will call it Smithville. That is the most generic name I can think of for the town that has given me nothing but judgement and boredom, with the exception of some of my family and close friends.

I am brutally honest. I say things as they are, and sometimes I lie. I sometimes say things as I wish they could be. I am self-diagnosed as an ADD/OCD moody young woman who longs for something more. I am afraid of some things, but usually, more than anything I am just wanting to make an impression on someone. Anyone. I want to be known as someone unique, and while blogging isn't unique anymore, I fear this need for attention may be the death of me.

I am stealing this quote from my dear friend, Heather.
"But I'm not. We're not. I am still a Miss and we are no longer a 'we'. "

I want something more, but not that something. I called off my wedding, and I will get into that more on another day. It seems like no matter how much more I want, I'm never satisfied. One day I will be though. I will be so satisfied with my life that I will be perfectly content and self sufficient.

I long for that day.

1 comment:

  1. Jessica! It's a small, small world. I saw your guest post on Heather's blog and was excited to figure out that it was you. Good luck with all your plans. I hope you achieve them (and more).