Thursday, October 22, 2009

Pitter Patter Goes The Rain.

Okay, so it is raining cats and dogs on top of my questionable office building. Everytime the water pours harder it seems to make this establishment shift a tad to the left, or right. Like I said, which ever way the water feels like pouring.

Today I am a little frustrated. Yesterday, while sitting in line at the bank I thought of the most amazing topic to cover that would probably retrieve close to one hundred comments, in turn would catch the eye of some big writer executive somewhere, and thus forth would launch my career. But thank you ADD brain for allowing me to be distracted, and now I am back to square one.

No awesome blog.
No future writing career set in stone.
Not even the satisfaction of "Hey, I remembered that!"

Oh well, the pitter patter of the rain just keeps egging me on to push myself in the direction of a great story. Now I just have to sit in one place, and focus on one thing long enough so that maybe, just maybe, I can be great one day. I want greatness. I want everything. Everything and greatness. Is that too much to ask?

"I seem to want everything too much." -Rachel, from Glee's episode last night

By the way, I love Glee. It's kind of dorky, and that's ok for me. It makes me feel better about my life. I do believe that if I went to high school there I could have gotten a slushie facial pretty much daily. But that's beside the point.

My best friend (one of two, next to my seasonal friend from a few posts back) wrote something today on her Facebook, and I think it is definitely mention-worthy. We will just call her Lola, because that used to be her nickname anyway.

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."
Now, I am not sure if she wrote this, but it sure made me think.

I don't want to admit that I have no courage, but I like the shore. I think that the shore is awesome, and that if it got me this far, it should stay in my sights. But I want to cross the ocean.

I am torn.

Ocean crossing possibilities? Yes.
Shore sight losing? Hmmm, maybe.
Courage? Not so much.

I don't even have the courage to act on what I know I want, and have wanted, for the last 3-4 years of my life. Everything has revolved around this, and the funny thing is, not even my closest, best friends know.

Reverting back to yesterday. The heart wants what it wants. The mind is what makes it confusing. Gosh I hate my mind right now.

Too bad the one person I want to read this the most, won't.

And the rain. Damn that pitter patter.

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