Starting today, I have decided to go back on my healthy kick. Not only because it's good for me, but also because it makes my life just a little cheaper.
Breakfast: Yogurt
Lunch: Healthy Choice or Smart Ones meal and fruit
Snack: Yogurt or Skinny Cow Ice Cream
Dinner: Smaller portions of regular food
PLUS: Acai Vitamins and only one soda/tea per day
When I document things, it makes me really feel like I have to stick to it. Hence, the short post.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
10 Things.
10 Things I bet you didn't know:
1. I love to make lists, but I'm very scatterbrained.
2. My favorite spot in the whole world [that I've visited] is the Santa Monica Pier.
3. My favorite spot in the whole world [that I've yet to visit] is the Vatican.
4. I secretly want to try out for American Idol, but only to be on the bloopers.
5. I want to get married on New Years.
6. My favorite drink is a good, spicy Bloody Mary.
7. I stole mascara once when I was younger.
8. I am weirdly addicted to checking the time on my phone.
9. I am deathly paranoid of being a victim of burglary/assault.
(I check every room if I am home alone. I pretend to talk on my cell phone when I walk by myself in parking lots. The first thing I am doing on my 21st birthday is getting a concealed handgun license. Yeah...told you.)
10. When I was younger I wanted to be a massage therapist, and I have never quite given up on that dream.
1. I love to make lists, but I'm very scatterbrained.
2. My favorite spot in the whole world [that I've visited] is the Santa Monica Pier.
3. My favorite spot in the whole world [that I've yet to visit] is the Vatican.
4. I secretly want to try out for American Idol, but only to be on the bloopers.
5. I want to get married on New Years.
6. My favorite drink is a good, spicy Bloody Mary.
7. I stole mascara once when I was younger.
8. I am weirdly addicted to checking the time on my phone.
9. I am deathly paranoid of being a victim of burglary/assault.
(I check every room if I am home alone. I pretend to talk on my cell phone when I walk by myself in parking lots. The first thing I am doing on my 21st birthday is getting a concealed handgun license. Yeah...told you.)
10. When I was younger I wanted to be a massage therapist, and I have never quite given up on that dream.
Goals and Praises.
I have hit my goal that I set out to accomplish for the blogging world.
1. 50+ posts,
2. 100+ views, and
3. 5+ followers [that created an account]
I am so proud :)
In other news, there is nothing like a kind word from a friend, or friends, to brighten your day.
Someone I didn't even think knew I had a blog, has been following it via Facebook. [Gosh I love Facebook, hence the addiciton.] She shared a few words about how I was a great writer, and that she hopes everything works out for me. That in itself proves there are still nice, sweet people in this world. She has been a friend since high school, older, and always kinda been there for me even though we aren't as close as we'd like to be.
I envy her already being done with school, as well as her ability to maintain her togetherness even if sometimes it's actually the exact opposite. She's a great friend. :)
This post just picked up my mood about 100,000%.
There is nothing like a couple kind words that can bring a smile to your face. After all, writing is the best medicine...or something like that.
Chandler & Monica.
Yesterday marked my 50th post...
and I didn't even realize it until this morning.
Another thing I realized was that I didn't post a recipe yesterday.
I really need another planner. I am so so ADD that as soon as I think of something I have to do or buy or attend, if I don't write it down it never happens. SOMEONE make a suggestion please!!
I am so excited. I feel like I am really breaking through into the writing world this way, even if only a couple of people follow it.
I had an interesting weekend. A loving weekend. A reminescent weekend. One that I didn't quite know how to approach until the night I had last night.
[[STORYTIME]]
This past Saturday I went out with some friends for a 21st birthday party at a local club. And because I live in a smaller town, the ex was there with a group of his friends as well. Since we have maintained our friendship over the last couple months, I walked over to say hi. We talked, and then I went back to my birthday friends. And all night I went back and forth from my 20-something friends, to the group of my married friends + the ex, and it made me think. I had crazy kinds of fun with the younger friends, but I didn't really fit in. Even though I was the youngest of the whole group, I still felt like the mom.
I have spent my whole life being older than everyone in my family, and acting older than the majority of my friends. (I was born in August, so when I started school I was younger than all of my friends. In a graduating class of 555, I was one of about 20 who were still 17.) But past that, past the age, the maturity, the life experience, past everything...I have always felt older than I am. The fact that my last birthday didn't have a set of candles that started with something other than a "one" was baffling enough, but to think that I am only 20. It sounds so young, but I feel so old.
I thought I was ready for a marraige, but with a best friend who thought I believed her fake support from the get-go, and another best friend that was drifting away, all I had was him. That scared me to death. I pulled away from my family, because I knew that half of them really didn't support my decision either, and the other half lived far enough away that I made an excuse not to visit as often as I should. I let myself drowned alone, just becoming overwhelmed by all the bullshit.
But this weekend was so much fun. There was no bullshit, no drama. It was just how it was supposed to be. How we were when we got back together. Before the proposal, before the planning, before the dresses and appointments and in-laws and cakes and shows and deposits.
Before it all, we had each other. The "stuff", for lack of a better word, pushed us apart.
I let my friends influence my opinion of my life. I let a wall build in between the one guy I know deep down that I am meant to be with. I let the money and the stress come between us, all the while he was willing to do whatever I needed him to do to make me happy.
I let it all happen.
That's why I'm not getting married this weekend. That's why I'm not engaged. That's why my bridesmaids aren't bridesmaids anymore, they are just friends again. That's why I'm not a bride...just a girl.
This weekend made me see that I want to be that bride again, if we get there. It's extremely hard because of my personality and general quickness to rush into things, but we are taking it one day at a time. We are just friends for now, maybe more later. But for now, JUST FRIENDS.
We had a couple long talks this past weekend over a couple different meals, and we have come to the realization that I rush things and I am impatient. Two characteristics that aren't so bad alone, and aren't too terrible when put together. But when a bride-to-be has these characteristics, the combination can be life-threatening. We joked that if we ever got engaged again, that I would have to be the one to propose.
and I didn't even realize it until this morning.
Another thing I realized was that I didn't post a recipe yesterday.
I really need another planner. I am so so ADD that as soon as I think of something I have to do or buy or attend, if I don't write it down it never happens. SOMEONE make a suggestion please!!
I am so excited. I feel like I am really breaking through into the writing world this way, even if only a couple of people follow it.
I had an interesting weekend. A loving weekend. A reminescent weekend. One that I didn't quite know how to approach until the night I had last night.
[[STORYTIME]]
This past Saturday I went out with some friends for a 21st birthday party at a local club. And because I live in a smaller town, the ex was there with a group of his friends as well. Since we have maintained our friendship over the last couple months, I walked over to say hi. We talked, and then I went back to my birthday friends. And all night I went back and forth from my 20-something friends, to the group of my married friends + the ex, and it made me think. I had crazy kinds of fun with the younger friends, but I didn't really fit in. Even though I was the youngest of the whole group, I still felt like the mom.
I have spent my whole life being older than everyone in my family, and acting older than the majority of my friends. (I was born in August, so when I started school I was younger than all of my friends. In a graduating class of 555, I was one of about 20 who were still 17.) But past that, past the age, the maturity, the life experience, past everything...I have always felt older than I am. The fact that my last birthday didn't have a set of candles that started with something other than a "one" was baffling enough, but to think that I am only 20. It sounds so young, but I feel so old.
I thought I was ready for a marraige, but with a best friend who thought I believed her fake support from the get-go, and another best friend that was drifting away, all I had was him. That scared me to death. I pulled away from my family, because I knew that half of them really didn't support my decision either, and the other half lived far enough away that I made an excuse not to visit as often as I should. I let myself drowned alone, just becoming overwhelmed by all the bullshit.
But this weekend was so much fun. There was no bullshit, no drama. It was just how it was supposed to be. How we were when we got back together. Before the proposal, before the planning, before the dresses and appointments and in-laws and cakes and shows and deposits.
Before it all, we had each other. The "stuff", for lack of a better word, pushed us apart.
I let my friends influence my opinion of my life. I let a wall build in between the one guy I know deep down that I am meant to be with. I let the money and the stress come between us, all the while he was willing to do whatever I needed him to do to make me happy.
I let it all happen.
That's why I'm not getting married this weekend. That's why I'm not engaged. That's why my bridesmaids aren't bridesmaids anymore, they are just friends again. That's why I'm not a bride...just a girl.
This weekend made me see that I want to be that bride again, if we get there. It's extremely hard because of my personality and general quickness to rush into things, but we are taking it one day at a time. We are just friends for now, maybe more later. But for now, JUST FRIENDS.
We had a couple long talks this past weekend over a couple different meals, and we have come to the realization that I rush things and I am impatient. Two characteristics that aren't so bad alone, and aren't too terrible when put together. But when a bride-to-be has these characteristics, the combination can be life-threatening. We joked that if we ever got engaged again, that I would have to be the one to propose.
I've always thought we were like Ross and Rachel, with the whole back and forth.
But who knows...maybe we could be like Chandler and Monica.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Love Cynic.
I am absolutely loving my life right now.
Everything that I have ever wanted, I have.
I wanted love. [check]
I wanted passion. [check]
I wanted adventure. [check]
I wanted financial stability. [almost check]
I wanted freedom from a tied down life. [check check!]
I know I keep talking about things I have realized over the last few months, but they are all so incredible. I always thought that if I moved to a new place I could find adventure, when in actuality if I move it would be fun at first, but if I wasn't happy with myself I would be in the same stressful state as before.
My long for a freedom from a tied down life overcame me.
I viewed marriage, scratch that, relationships as a way to be constricted for a period of time, because deep down I'm a cynic and believe that nothing can truly stand the test of time. Thinking two people can be in love with the same person for all eternity kinda seems too good to be true to me. I'm not as naive as I used to be and I'm sorry if you believe in deep whole-hearted love, but like I said, I am a cynic.
A love cynic.
However, if you can persuade your heart and mind to comprehend that forever love, be my guest.
All I know is that loving someone else doesn't bring happiness, you must first love yourself. Loving yourself brings an unbelievable amount of joy, which eventually is accompanied by passion, adventure, and all kinds of stability. And if you are truly happy in your relationship with the one you love, then marriage won't seem like a death sentence. It will not seem like an ending to something.
A great spider-like man once quoted his father figure. He said:
"With great power comes great responsibility."
I don't believe that only applies for superheroes.
Love is the greatest power on Earth. If you can find it, harness it, and work your damnedest at making sure the person you have that love for is happy, you will never be sorry that you tried to make it last "forever".
Forever isn't conceivable, but love can be...if you let it.
Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving.
Everything that I have ever wanted, I have.
I wanted love. [check]
I wanted passion. [check]
I wanted adventure. [check]
I wanted financial stability. [almost check]
I wanted freedom from a tied down life. [check check!]
I know I keep talking about things I have realized over the last few months, but they are all so incredible. I always thought that if I moved to a new place I could find adventure, when in actuality if I move it would be fun at first, but if I wasn't happy with myself I would be in the same stressful state as before.
My long for a freedom from a tied down life overcame me.
I viewed marriage, scratch that, relationships as a way to be constricted for a period of time, because deep down I'm a cynic and believe that nothing can truly stand the test of time. Thinking two people can be in love with the same person for all eternity kinda seems too good to be true to me. I'm not as naive as I used to be and I'm sorry if you believe in deep whole-hearted love, but like I said, I am a cynic.
A love cynic.
However, if you can persuade your heart and mind to comprehend that forever love, be my guest.
All I know is that loving someone else doesn't bring happiness, you must first love yourself. Loving yourself brings an unbelievable amount of joy, which eventually is accompanied by passion, adventure, and all kinds of stability. And if you are truly happy in your relationship with the one you love, then marriage won't seem like a death sentence. It will not seem like an ending to something.
A great spider-like man once quoted his father figure. He said:
"With great power comes great responsibility."
I don't believe that only applies for superheroes.
Love is the greatest power on Earth. If you can find it, harness it, and work your damnedest at making sure the person you have that love for is happy, you will never be sorry that you tried to make it last "forever".
Forever isn't conceivable, but love can be...if you let it.
Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Playing Holiday Catch-Up.
It's definitely a Tuesday.
It is not quite Monday, the fresh start to the week we all enjoy.
It's not Wednesday, the hump day that marks the mid week glee.
It isn't quite Thursday, the marking of how the week is ALMOST over.
And it's certainly not Friday...this post is too sober.
My weekend was full of ups and downs.
Many realizations. Many feelings I didn't realize I had/have.
I decided months ago that I would start a new year in a new place.
I am pretty sure that, while the idea had good basis, it was unrealistic.
I think that it doesn't matter if the place I start the year off in is physical, or emotional. As long as I am happy, I think the place I live doesn't matter as much as my center of happiness...my very being.
I realized over the last few months that blogging makes me very happy, so does running, and my family, friends, and making an effort to make myself happy.
I will start officially writing my book January 1, 2010.
I don't need to be in a far off setting to be an author, I can find my raw materials right here. I love being able to wake up and watch Food Network with my mom. I love being able to go to a club downtown and know half the people there. (Secretly it makes me feel important.) I love school, as much as I hate paying for it. And I love the serenity of knowing that no matter what happens, at the end of the day I have a home to go to...or actually two homes. I am extremely lucky and very blessed to have as many people love me that I do.
Sure, we have problems, but what family doesn't?
I will tell you...boring ones. And we are FAR from boring.
I guess what I am trying to say is that the journey to happiness is not a road that is paved, or one that lacks it's potholes. But it's an adventure you are supposed to take because you are the ONLY one who gets to live your life. No one else. Your life was given to you for a reason: You are the sole person fit to live it to the fullest.
I told you my body was running behind on the whole "getting into the holiday mood". I just admitted what I am thankful for, so that means my body is in Thanksgiving mode. By the time New Years rolls around I should be singing Christmas carols, and hopefully by Valentine's Day I will be all ready for this new year.
(2010: The Year of Jessica, a couple posts back)
Friday, December 4, 2009
Scratch That.
WE ARE OFF AT FOUR!!
Usually off at five, so only one hour.
But hey...I'm not complaining :)
It is snowing. I am heading home in 30 minutes to take pictures of the legendary snow flurries of Southeast Texas.
Update later!!
Usually off at five, so only one hour.
But hey...I'm not complaining :)
It is snowing. I am heading home in 30 minutes to take pictures of the legendary snow flurries of Southeast Texas.
Update later!!
Unforseeable Forcast.
I'm pretty much fed up with selfish people.
It is snowing for the first time this year. The ONLY time this year.
It snowed once last year, and before that it had been 19 YEARS since snow has stuck to the ground in good ol' Blowmont, TX.
Does my boss care that my whole family has either left work/school to go home and enjoy this miracle?
NO.
Does he care that it will probably happen once more in my lifetime?
NO.
Is he here, on a Friday, boxed up in this stuffy office?
HELL NO.
But I am here, wanting him to jump with both feet into the Christmas spirit.
Not being a grinch, NOT BEING SELFISH!!
Even if I was off, I would still only go curl up in bed, but hey...that's my perrogative.
It is snowing for the first time this year. The ONLY time this year.
It snowed once last year, and before that it had been 19 YEARS since snow has stuck to the ground in good ol' Blowmont, TX.
Does my boss care that my whole family has either left work/school to go home and enjoy this miracle?
NO.
Does he care that it will probably happen once more in my lifetime?
NO.
Is he here, on a Friday, boxed up in this stuffy office?
HELL NO.
But I am here, wanting him to jump with both feet into the Christmas spirit.
Not being a grinch, NOT BEING SELFISH!!
Even if I was off, I would still only go curl up in bed, but hey...that's my perrogative.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
TABASCO.
So I guess it's official. I am moving.
I am sick of talking about it, so I am just going to do it.
However, I would appreciate someone's insight on how to break this to my dad and step-mom. They are going to be the hardest ones to convince that I am not being stupid.
The day is set. Thursday, January 28th is when I will be "shipping out" and driving cross country. That will put me in NY probably in the late afternoon of Friday, January 30th.
My resolution to start a new year in a new place is only postponed by one month...and I am very very pleased with myself. I can't believe I am actually doing this. Although, this would NEVER be possible without the TREMENDOUS help from an INCREDIBLE FRIEND!!
LOVE Heather!!
http://thenheathersaid.blogspot.com
I am extremely lucky/blessed/surprised.
Sad endings really do bring happy beginnings.
I thought that when I broke off my wedding I would break down.
-It just made me stronger.
I thought when I let someone that I love/loved in again I would fall apart if he rejected me.
-It happened. It hurt, bad. But it made me wiser.
I thought if I was ever offered this kind of opportunity, I would be too afraid to JUMP!
-Boy, was I wrong.
[Yes, that is one for the history books. I admitted I was wrong.]
I am literally living life to the fullest. Before today, I really never knew what it meant to just open my wings and fly. I know it sounds corny, but I feel just like a bird about to take off.
The world is my oyster and I have a BIG bottle of Tabasco**.
(**DISCLAIMER: For those of you not from the south, Tabasco is delicious concoction of spiciness.)
I am sick of talking about it, so I am just going to do it.
However, I would appreciate someone's insight on how to break this to my dad and step-mom. They are going to be the hardest ones to convince that I am not being stupid.
The day is set. Thursday, January 28th is when I will be "shipping out" and driving cross country. That will put me in NY probably in the late afternoon of Friday, January 30th.
My resolution to start a new year in a new place is only postponed by one month...and I am very very pleased with myself. I can't believe I am actually doing this. Although, this would NEVER be possible without the TREMENDOUS help from an INCREDIBLE FRIEND!!
LOVE Heather!!
http://thenheathersaid.blogspot.com
I am extremely lucky/blessed/surprised.
Sad endings really do bring happy beginnings.
I thought that when I broke off my wedding I would break down.
-It just made me stronger.
I thought when I let someone that I love/loved in again I would fall apart if he rejected me.
-It happened. It hurt, bad. But it made me wiser.
I thought if I was ever offered this kind of opportunity, I would be too afraid to JUMP!
-Boy, was I wrong.
[Yes, that is one for the history books. I admitted I was wrong.]
I am literally living life to the fullest. Before today, I really never knew what it meant to just open my wings and fly. I know it sounds corny, but I feel just like a bird about to take off.
The world is my oyster and I have a BIG bottle of Tabasco**.
(**DISCLAIMER: For those of you not from the south, Tabasco is delicious concoction of spiciness.)
Air & You.
High tide is coming in,
The walls are beginning to crumble.
Fighting to get to the surface
Is an unlikely sort of struggle.
It shouldn't be this hard
To pursue something so right.
All I want is air, and you.
Please lift me up tonight.
It is hard to comprehend
That everything is falling down.
Somehow, I am still here
Helplessly screaming-
But you don't hear a sound.
It's getting darker now.
The crashing waves are devouring my being
But I keep swimming, paddling
Striving to fight my way to the surface.
All I need is air, and you
That is all I need.
You would make this life
Feel so much more complete.
But for now I am sitting here
Surrounded by this storm,
Destined to fend for myself
Riding out this hell...alone.
The walls are beginning to crumble.
Fighting to get to the surface
Is an unlikely sort of struggle.
It shouldn't be this hard
To pursue something so right.
All I want is air, and you.
Please lift me up tonight.
It is hard to comprehend
That everything is falling down.
Somehow, I am still here
Helplessly screaming-
But you don't hear a sound.
It's getting darker now.
The crashing waves are devouring my being
But I keep swimming, paddling
Striving to fight my way to the surface.
All I need is air, and you
That is all I need.
You would make this life
Feel so much more complete.
But for now I am sitting here
Surrounded by this storm,
Destined to fend for myself
Riding out this hell...alone.
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